Okay I’m not one for rants but this is one I’ve been sitting on for awhile and generally I would keep my mouth shut because i don’t like making mountains out of mole hills but it’s something than offends me and I can’t keep laughing about it anymore.

I am a woman of colour…meaning my skin is brown. Or as i call myself ‘Mocha’. 

Now I’m pretty open to peoples points of view but there is one word used to describe me that I take great offense to…not because I dislike it…but because I dont identify with it. It’s certain people (who I won’t name) in my friend circle (which is quite wide) referring to me as ‘black’. 

As some of you may know I was raised in a European family. I am of a Maori/Fijian race background although that has not been my cultural upbringing. I have nothing against my race, I happen to like being unique. It’s the way that certain people think using my colour as an insult, or as something that could be identified as inferior is what offends me…to no end.

I don’t resent the term I just don’t identify with it. It’s the colour of my skin, I can’t change it…i’m not crazy and i’m not Michael Jackson…but pointing it out in ways that make me feel shitty is unacceptable.

The people saying it that hurts me most…are my friends.

And I know…I do laugh it off, pretend like it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. It’s a big  deal to me. I don’t go around making rude judgement’s or jokes about my friends cultures, upbringings or the colour of their skin so i don’t understand how it makes it fair for them to do the same to me. It’s rude, it’s bullying and I won’t stand for it. 

Saying ‘I’m just joking’ or whatever afterwards doesn’t take it back, and it doesn’t make it okay. Jokes are meant to be funny and I’m not laughing anymore.

So I’m just going to say this, if you’re one of the people in my life who do this, here are your options; A] If you’re going to continue to be rude and hurtful, find a new friend because I don’t need negativity such as that in my life making me feel like shit about something I can’t change. or B] Say it behind my back like normal fucking people.

I am not a stereotype, don’t treat me like one.

Rant over.

Sam Whitelock Appreciation Post Special: I know you’ve missed him, I sure have.

For lack of a better word, I, at this current moment in my life, am filled with…how do I say…fucking confusion.

I’m not the type of girl to fall fast, or deep for a guy. I generally fleet from male to male for short bursts of time and move on (I’m not a slut…much.) because it’s easy (Shut up!) and for the most part guys are confusing. 

I know that’s very general, but it’s true. All of the guys I currently have in my life are all really good at doing one thing, and have this one thing in common…they confuse the shit out of me.

There’s one that drops the L word but doesn’t have the fucking balls to do anything about it. Why? I don’t know. He won’t tell me. Why? Maybe because he’s scared, or insecure, or because it’s easier to keep me at a distance because I’m really good at self sabotage and I drink too much sometimes and make bad decisions, which I suppose is fair enough but we’re not talking about me here we’re talking about him. Where was I?

Right, so the other one. I can’t name them because that’s unfair. This other one has been an on off thing since I was like 16? 17? And I should be stronger sometimes and say no but it’s really hard to say no to someone when you have this constant fear that that may be all you’re ever going to get. And saying no and never having it may end up hurting more than knowing what it’s like and then have to give it up. Wow, this is saying more about me than about these guys…moving along.

And the other other one (inventive code names are fun) is probably the most frustrating one of all because I thought that he was gone for good and then he comes out of fucking nowhere and says he misses me. Like, dude, I gave you the oppor-freakin-tunity to be with me and as soon as I threw the ‘G’ word in your face you ran like your ass was on fire. 

I’m beginning to think maybe it’s me.

God, maybe it is me…

p.s this was a waste of time. 

it’s totally me.

Dear Rob, lookin good boyyyyyy. Love, Me. xo [Rob on the Breaking Dawn promo trail in Belgium.]

I think this just sums up my overall RWC experience. Minus the box of vodka RTDs and the two bottles of wine I pounded back during the game. Oh gosh.

GO THE ALL BLACKS.

such fun!!!

yum jack whitehall too.

lelandphoenix:

OMG MIRANDA AND ADELE IN THE SAME ROOM?! I just can’t take how giddy I am about this.

Sam Whitelock Appreciation Post Part 6

Sam Whitelock Appreciation Post Part 5

Sam Whitelock Appreciation post 4. Grizzly Sam grrrrrr.

Sam Whitelock appreciation post part 4.